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hi

that's me, right now, about to send this. here's how it starts:

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hi

i have all these ideas to make these emails really weird and alt and dumb, like make fun of typical "funnel" emails and trust you me, i'll get there

but today i wanted to just send something a little simpler

more candid

take off the makeup and ugh I'm doing it again making this a bit

do i even know how to do things that aren't a bit?

i do! my writing isn't usually itself a bit
but this...feels harder? more vulnerable? maybe because it's more of a direct 'ask' and that feels weird?
i don't know but here i am stalling instead of saying what i wanted to say which is

this

wait that's it! this being hard for me is the point!!

this - trying to talk sincerely and openly about this batcave 'offering' - feeling impossible for me is, i imagine, similar to how it might feel for you to write and publish stuff?

like, you want to do it,there's a cravingneedhunger even or at least a thirst to DO IT but then when you try to do it, the words don't come out

i rassled with that feeling with my writing for 10 years? i still dobut now my fear of publishing has shrunk enough where i can do it regularly

maybe that'll happen with this stuff too? maybe not

but the fact that it's hard doesn't mean it's not worth doing or that I'm not meant to do it it just means that it's hard and that inside the hardness of it there's something interesting itself worth writing about

what is this a poem now?
come on alex
you're a frikkin mary oliver now?
alex

i am still stalling!!
because its still too hard to say
and now i'm scared to say it because it's also not that big of a deal at all

so here I go

(lol I literally did go after that and am returning to this the next the morning)

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I think what I want to say is:

There’s a good chance you’re thinking about maybe joining batcave and I think you should give it a try. I think you’ll probably like it. And if you don’t I’ll refund you no questions asked.

But based on how it’s been going, and the responses from people, it’s becoming clear to me that it’s a special thing we are building. Co-creating, the way you do with tarot cards and god and Improv

It’s a hard thing to say without immediately undercutting or making light of because:

• It means owning that something I’m doing is good and of value and thus not worthless
• It means asking for help (hard)
• It means admitting that there’s a part of this that’s selfish? That I’m doing this because I want people to join and pay because this - the paid subscriptions, revenue in general via BAT - is a big part of how I can work for myself and make enough money that I can focus entirely on my own writing (the dream).

That last one is the hardest to understand, let alone share, but it feels good to do so.

And it makes me realize that in this vision of my future, where I’m just writing all the time, the BATCAVE is a big part of that, both because it’s a big revenue source but even more importantly, because its the community that I am part of and help lead.

But am i gonna be good enough to do that? will i get scared and run? will i finally be excited to join the club that’d have me as a member? will i realize that the best thing i can do is create that club? to build the home i wanna be in, creatively?

many questions, none of which pertain all that much to you, but are worth sharing because they illustrate where i’m at, confused and and dumb and full of gum (it stays in your tummy forever i hear)

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much like a door, i'll now close

this thing is still a baby. there’s about 300 people in the batcave right now. i’d say a good 30 or so people show up regularly to the cowriting. it’s awesome, and it’s early.

i want to build it not for cool people but with cool people (you).

so if a community where you can write and hang with other weirdos sounds cool, come give it a try.

the monthly cost is $8/month ​
or you can pay yearly for $70/yr

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if you have questions about it, reply and i shall answer (there's also a bunch of good stuff here)
if you need a lower rate to join, reply and i shall give
if you can’t pay but want to join, reply and i’ll comp you zero questions asked seriously

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thanks again for reading this,
for being a friend of the BAT,
for being you

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with love and care and anxiety, each full blast,
Alex

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